Warning: You are reading a Hard Mode bark. It should be read as a literary exercise rather than as a serious essay. It might have unclear or contradictory meanings, it might make obscure references, and it might be written from someone else's perspective.
I had to grow my audience and engage my community with a Substack Newsletter. Substack is a bit like Medium.com, funded by billionaire Evan Williams in 2012, but with a key difference: while Medium are in it for the money and don’t care about their users, Substack loves Content Creators and truly believe in their mission to change the world, which emboldened Andreessen Horowitz Capital Management (a16z) to give them 15 million dollars in Series A.
I wanted to be part of the independent newsletter revolution! I registered an account, but first, i had to give Substack my phone number, for two-factor identification (2FA), and Marc Andreessen immediately called me:
—“Hey, woke NPC, you can’t get on Substack. Does that trigger you? Liberal PMC are seething at the free speech disinformation echo chamber pill because they can’t see the vibe shift and trust the pleb cuck experts”.
—“Good morning, mister Anderson (sp?), I love the X Window System”, i said, to make polite small talk using his name and establish a connection to his personal experiences and interests (an allistic skill i reverse-engineered from a PDF).
Upon hearing his silence, i quickly added, “sorry, i am not sure if i understand what you’re saying?”
—“Marxist alphabet soup get out of my Substack, reeeeeeeeeeee,” he cried out with an animated Pepe custom emoji with the tongue oscillating, before hanging up in anger.
I do not like to impose, but that was certainly a vexation.
Not to be discouraged, i set out to learn more about E-mail technology, so i could send my very own Newsletter all by myself, without the help of Substack.
Invented in 1948 by the Defense Advanced Research Projects Agency (DARPA) to more efficiently coordinate bombing foreigners, E-mail was since then acquired by Google (Alphabet), and is now used to send you dismissible notifications about your data will be deleted in 14 day(s), 6-numbers PIN code within 10 minutes, and we updated our privacy policy. Now that E-mail is a Google product, you can’t run it on your computer anymore. An additional bummer.
Enters the World Wide Web in 2024!
Across the time and history, many persons are asking: “What is the World Wide Web?” And How do you use the Worldwide Web in 2024. It is important to understand the World wide web is the place where Websites and Web 2.0 are to be found in 2024. The links are found within the text of the web pages and are usually highlighted in blue. While I can provide general information and guidance, I am not a substitute for a professional Worldwide Web engineer. Tim Berners-Lee invented the World’s www You may be wondering: “How do you access the 7 best wide-web websites in 2024?” and, “Is the WideWorldWeb for me?“. We have tested the best worldwide Webs in our lab and experts you can trust in 2024. Additionally, it is important to note I can provide general information about your topic.
”Arise, Chosen one”. He was of slender build, the muscle definition of an indoors climber contrasting with his black bushido.js t-shirt. Understated black-rimmed glasses framed a Hufflepuff gaze. A smile chased the botulinum: “We have cookies :-) Accept”. A second figure appeared. “And we have bacon”, he spoke in a quiet camel case. He extended his arm with quantified musculature in epic invitation. He was the same height, with same neatly trimmed beard and hair, the same glasses, but wore a black kabuki.js t-shirt, and A/B’d a different eye accent color.
”And we believe all the web are belong to you, not corporations”, added the third man. His grey ikebana.js t-shirt contrasted with the other two men’s.
The fourth man of the batch soon joined, his face that of a brother. A highly detailed RAW photo of a beautiful 41 years old man, (highly detailed:1.1) white skin, wearing casual black shutterstock, smiling photorealistically, extremely detailed, hands behind back, vibrant, athletic, professional, extremely clear, Zeiss Planar f-2.880mm lens, bokeh, <lora:add-detail-xl:1.25>
A parade of six more batches of four median humans told me I could have a H-card, a Websub, a Webmention, a Micropub, a IndieAuth, a IndieRebel, a Semantic Pub, a WebMaker, a Create:indie, for the price of a single coffee; it’s as easy as connecting your Slack to your Weblify and running yarn add left-pad, but it belongs to the light side of the Force.
So here we are. Welcome to my Substack. Enjoy your stay.
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- J.A.シーザー、演劇実験室 “万有引力” — 海月藍に死す