Dog people are weirdos, unlike me, who is normal

If it were up to anyone else, I would have been barred from adopting.

You need mental health - a whole lot of it.

A responsible adult would go about things like this:

1. Cure depression and PTSD
2. Cure gender dysphoria now that we solved mental health completely :)
3. Get married heterosexually
4. Have a stable enough life to care for a dog

Around here, everyone resents their dog. Shouts at them. Yappy yappy buddy never taught manners as a puppy. Celebrate your hetero retirement with a pooping decoration to obligate you to leave the house, which you begrudge.

Nearby dogs are woofing a bit in their yard.

I tell my beautiful eight months old Eurasier puppy, Ornstein – wait, first, a picture of my friend, I insist:

Nearby dogs are woofing a bit in their yard.

I tell my beautiful eight months old Eurasier puppy, Ornstein: “Easy. Don’t pull. Don’t pull. Easy. Yes! Yes! No, easy. Don’t pull.”

The nearby dogs’ human hollers: “Will you fucking shut the fuck up you fucking dispshits? SHUT UP. Shut the fuck up you fuckfaces. Are you fucking deaf?”

(She swears so in French, so each instance of the universal English profanity was a different obscenity.)

Ornstein has to stop pulling before we continue. Gentle but firm education is what a spitz needs, they aren’t born the most obedient.

“Oh come the fuck on. Of fucking course if that asshole is provoking you with a dog shit is gonna be all fucked up.”

I give my boy a treat for successfully putting up with that human.

I was absolutely terrified. It took me weeks to work up the courage to call the breeder.

Ultimately, I didn’t call her. I sent a mail. I only managed to call after she replied.

I was so scared. I drove for half a day. She was living at the top of a mountain. I relieved myself in the woods before visiting, out of a lack of facilities.

She asked me if I was afraid of dogs after she allowed me beyond the gate.

“I am not afraid of dogs. I am absolutely terrified I’m committing to fourteen years of caring for such a majestic family member when I’m a gigantic fucked up weirdo still pretending to be a boy who’s the exact inverse of the typical big family adopter”, I refrained from even hinting at her.

Still giving myself 48h to decide if he’s gonna be my bff for the next 14 years 5:21 PM - 17 Dec 2018

I guess she knew I wouldn’t fuck up. You don’t drive halfway across the country to meet the breeder of a rare breed nobody knows just to fuck up.

I told her the breed is so rare, I gathered all the info I could on the internet, but one thing I couldn’t find: do Eurasiers get car-sick?

“The car is their second home”, she told me.

My life is still fucked up, but when I’m on the road, it’s OK. 2019-06-22